If you've ever wondered what to do in a situation that has no positive outcomes, then you will enjoy this next ridiculous story from my ridiculous life. You see, I'm not the greatest driver in the world (5 speeding tickets between 17-20 and a judge who threatened to yank my license from me so fast my head would spin and then charged me a $350 fine. 5 wrecks, 3 were my fault). Usually, I'm late and in a rush (similar to my birth I'm told) and I just don't judge my spacing very well.
So, you've been set up for the story.
So the other day I'm driving down the road (Buford Highway for you Atlantans) and suddenly from my left, I see an Hispanic man darting through traffic right into my path! WTF?!?! In case you were wondering, this is a normal occurrence. For some reason, people in Atlanta are so impatient and fucking stupid that they don't realize that Atlanta has these things called CROSSWALKS or that when the light is red you can cross. So I'm faced with a conundrum. Do I hit the Hispanic man and teach him a lesson? Do I swerve and honk rudely at him? Would he understand in either instance why I was frustrated?
I, of course, chose what I imagine is the more expensive of the two choices: I swerved into the curb and lost a hub cap, busted my wheel and blew out my tire. All less than a mile from my condo. Why did I make this choice? In the moment of indecision, I saw myself on television attempting to explain hitting a hispanic man. I saw that no matter what I said, I came off as racist. Therefore, I thought, a better idea would be to slam into a curb going 45 miles an hour and then slink off to my condo. Not even a honk to let him know how angry I was.
Replacing a wheel and tire ain't cheap y'all. Add in a balance, rotation and alignment adjustment and we're talking any money I had in savings. And no more flight to visit my boyfriend.
The lesson in this of course is that next time you hit the dumb fuck so he'll stop crossing the damn street at inopportune times.
1 comment:
um. seriously. what the fuck is up with atlanta and the jaywalkers. and buford highway - holy hell it is scary with those mexicans playing a real life game of frogger. And Peachtree by the McDonalds & MARTA -- people need their egg mcmuffins in the AM too much to care about their life.
And. just a FYI (not telling you to hit a person because that could be expensive too...) but if you hit a jaywalker, it is 100% their fault. Ask Afton, her drunk friend got hit by Park Tavern and she was ticketed not the driver.
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