Sometimes, people try to bring an extra guy along like I don't know they are secretly hoping we hit it off and we can all double date forever and ever. While I appreciate your attempts, really, I am so ridiculously awkward that you are just wasting your time. I will mess it up somehow. For example, I might talk about that guy I am dating but not dating. Every story I tell might involve him in some way to the point that even when I see this great guy you tried to couple me up with outside of this event, he will ask about that person. Or I will eat faster than him. That's right (I know this turns you on) I eat like a man. I used to be ashamed of it but honestly, I have tried to change it. I just can't. Or I will make fun of him in a Jersey way. He will not get it. I will be labeled a bitch. So really, don't waste your time.
And if you are a guy and you happen to enjoy my company, I will go ahead and tell you I had no idea and if I upset you I'm sorry. I will say I do not think I have met the one yet so you should probably find someone else to moon over. The closest I have come to meeting The One is not interested in that with me. Not that I won't try my damnedest to change his mind in the future if I am still single.
So since so many people have offered to set me up (or been sneaky about it) I have decided it might be time to consider what I want in a MAN- not a boy a MAN. I wish you could hear me say that. It would really enhance this blog. That being said...this Single, White, Average and totally batshit crazy female is seeking:
- A Male. A real male. Not one of those things that pretends to be male. If you wear pink, get manicures and will watch chick flicks with me then we are not meant to be together. I do my weepy, girl movies alone thank you very much.
- Athletic. No skateboarding does not count as athletic. I want a guy who plays on a softball team after work. Or his work is to play a sport. Top three sports my guy can play: Baseball, Football and Golf. Yum.
- Smart. You don't have to be smarter than me (not that it would be hard to do) but I am looking for a guy who can read, write and do some math. In fact, if you are good with finances that would be HUGE.
- Sense of Humor. Seriously, if you don't like The Office, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, anything with Will Ferrell, Summer Heights High, My Name is Earl...well I could go on but it would take forever. If you don't like raunchy humor, don't bother. The word penis still makes me laugh.
- Sports. Not a sports guy? Get outta here. I don't care what teams you like, just that you have passion for a team. You can learn when you meet me who my teams are. I won't hate you for your choices but I will heckle you.
- Attractive. Don't tell me someone's looks don't matter because they do trust me. I recently saw an ex who I still had feelings for. He was fat. My feelings are gone. I don't think it's wrong of me to admit that I care what someone looks like. I'm sure plenty of guys have passed on me because I weigh more than they would prefer. Whatever. Do I have a type? Yes. Tall ( 6'0" is the minimum. I dated a 6'7" guy one time. It was difficult but fun), dark ( I like brunettes. My one encounter with a blond was a nightmare. I think it scarred me), green or brown eyes (The blond was blue eyed too...hmmm), athletic build ( you can have a bit of pudge but I like a guy who hits the gym and TRIES to maintain a physique of some type).
- Outgoing. Social. Likes to party. I should probably look for someone who doesn't drink and can babysit me but that would be boring. So someone who enjoys flip cup and beer pong and would want to do those things with me!
I don't think this list is too choosy though it certainly excludes a fair number of people. If you are offended...too bad. You'll get over it. My sparkling personality will sway you!
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