Okay, first, everyone have a mini-orgasm taking in the sexiness of this picture. Never, have I ever thought blood was sexy but JESUS. Bang me now, please. Any of them. All of them. Thanks PopWrap for bringing this to my attention.
Second, where the fuck is Alexander Skarsgard's dick? Shouldn't it be hanging just a bit below Anna's leg?Just the tip? I really hope they photo shopped that shit or we have another case of Penis Nano and this is much more depressing than my real-life version.
This edition of Monday Musings has a theme. Ya'll know I love themes. Ya'll also know I love hunting for a job (oh wait...no). And just to slam some further unrelated knowledge on you, Ya'll is misspelled. I love being in the south (another lie). It's Y'ALL in case you use this phrase a lot. In fact, I'm pretty sure I blogged about that before. Wait, here it is. Anyway, today's theme is television shows that could use a little shambles in them (as in...me..starring...on... tv. Thanks to the interviewer who decided that was the only job I could handle).
1. Rookie Blue. Not because I would make a kickass cop (ummm I would) but because I want a sex scene with Ben Bass. Who is 42. Which is 8 years younger than my dad. See how I did that? I don't need no stinkin' shrink to tell me I have Daddy issues!
2. True Blood. I think seeing certain people on set naked 24/7 would be amazing. I'm not sure what I would add to the show but I do have a flair for cursing and if getting between the sheets with Alexander Skaarsgard is a requirement, clearly I'm meant to be on the show.
3. The Bachelor. I'd be the bitchy, no nonsense one. I would hold out but make all the chicks think I did the deed with the guy. Then, when all of you (who are clearly in on my plan) talked all the time about me and ABC producers offered me another show, I'd say no. This is of course, after the guy falls madly in lust with me and I turn him down in the final rose ceremony. Even better, I hope he tries to catch up with the bitch he already sent packing.
4. Community. YESSSSS. I was great at college. And I would be even better now. I'd have to dumb myself down so I could handle community college but lets be honest, I could just show up drunk and act ridiculous and they'd probably just stop writing a script. They'd just let me and Joel and crew go to town. Which would make it the best show ever. Plus I speak some Spanish so obviously, I could help with this rap:
5. Cougar Town. I'd be the new bitch on the block. I'd be so threatening to Courtney Cox's character. Her ex would fall in love with me and we'd date, her current beau (and one of my many crushes) would say my name during a love session with her and maybe her son would think of me as her new idol. Of course, I would be blissfully unaware of the pain I'm inflicting and immune to Courtney's attempts to sabotage my life.
6.The League. I like to imagine all kinds of scenarios involving me in the show. Usually they involve lots of interaction with Jon Lajoie. Because I adore him. Go here to watch videos because they disabled embedding. Bitches. Oh wait, my college education just allowed me to figure out how. Hold please. Don't fuck with me FX.
Clearly, I would be excellent on any show that would have me but these are ones I would ENJOY being on. And let's be honest, I'm all about integrity and shit.
New blogger here on Little Black Book! I'm Allyson and since Erin is my best friend I had no problem agreeing to write this when I shared the details with her this morning. Basic info you'll need for this post. I'm in a relationship and currently living with boyfriend of four years.
Valentines Day has now come and gone. I'm hoping that everyone fully enjoyed their day and keeping with the theme of this blog- GOT LAID!
Yesterday I returned from a trip with my boyfriend from Dallas, Tx for the 2010 All Star Game. We flew out there Thursday morning and returned yesterday evening. Between the time of our five day, four night stay in Texas I only had sex ONE TIME. It wasn't even on Valentines Day. Neither of us were sick or too drunk to make it happen. At least if someone were too drunk that could have made for another interesting story. I'm sure this doesn't seem like that big of a deal but it's becoming a pattern. I don't know what to do! Don't think I haven't made it known. I'm pretty sure "Let's have sex" or "Let's get naked" is straight to the point. Take off your clothes! Just take off your pants...shit, just lay down and let me handle it! Erin believes that he has gotten comfortable in the relationship. Granted we have been together for a long time but doesn't the sex leave when marriage and babies get in the picture?
There are only so many times that I can masturbate before it just isn't enough anymore! It helps me sleep but it doesn't fill that need. I don't even have to get up and leave the room. He's a sound sleeper and I've taken care of myself right there in bed. I don't know if I have a quiet one, but I've used a silver bullet right there next to him. Moment of silence for that toy. Damn cord broke. It's getting to be really tough. Especially on those days when it's late at night and I can't fall asleep. Do you know what comes on late at night on HBO? Real Sex. Thank you HBO. Thank you for showing me all these ugly people with small penises and saggy boobs getting ass. At least the last episode was a little educational. It was a sex recession show and you could learn how to make a budget friendly sex toy. That is information for a different post on a different day.
Last night we read. Isn't that sweet? FUCK SWEET! I don't live in a damn Nicholas Sparks book. Well, he had his book and I had Club Dead, Book 3 of the Sookie Stackhouse series. True Blood #3 for those of you who don't know. Have you watched True Blood on HBO? Scroll down to the Sex Dream post and look at that picture. Those ass holes are who I see in my head as I read this book. There is sex all over this book and I can't get any. IT JUST ISN'T RIGHT!
I'm going to keep a tab on how long this shit lasts. I counted back for the month of February and it's not looking good.
