30 Day Photo Challenge- Day 7

Well this ties in nicely to Thirsty Thursday.

This would be my squeeze a shot. It goes to GA-FL with me. It goes to weddings with me. It gets filled up just to get filled up when I solo drink at home. My mom came home from the gym years ago and handed it to me and said "I got you a present". Who goes to the gym and comes home with a plastic flask that perfectly squeezes out 1 shot at a time? My fucking mother, that's who.

You can't get the exact one I have but if you're interested in a squeeze a shot you can go here. Or here. Or just google the shit like I did.

Thirsty Thursday

Enjoy a brewski as you troll this website for the Accidental Dong sightings around town. In fact, grab a fucking beer and start a hunt for accidental dongs and submit that shit.

And for those of you reading this with your morning cup of joe, no 8 am is not too early to start boozing.

Thirsty Thursday

Drunk.

At work.

Hour late.

Hopefully in 2011 I'll still be employed.

This counts as a Thirsty Thursday post right? I mean I showed up to work late still drunk from the night before. And I fell down last night- evidence being the fucking scrap on my hand that hurts like a bitch!

Thirsty Thursday- Malt Beverage Edition

If it hasn't been made glaringly apparent yet, I like alcohol. A lot.

Also, I like college football. A lot.

Combine the two, and well...I'm a shit show, win or lose.

This past weekend, my friend Kelly and I headed to Athens for the UGA- Arkansas game and decided since our week had been so horrendous, we would get some crazy shit to drink. And now I'm going to share my thoughts with you on said crazy shit. You see, I have some very diverse groups of friends back home at the Jersey Shore and here in Atlanta. I absolutely cannot imagine how anyone of them would compare to the others and what would happen if they all got together but sometimes it is fun to bring an activity that one does to the other and see how it goes (see Get Amongst It). Friday was one of those times.

Joose v Four Loko

Joose is a premium malt beverage with 9-12% alcohol content. The guy in BP looked stunned I was buying it (and also whispered to the other guy as I was walking out "I've never seen a white girl purchase that"). According to its packaging, Joose contains caffeine, taurine, ginseng, and certified colors. Joose is available in 23.5 oz cans and are very classy looking (see picture below for evidence of that). Last year they had to prove they were safe and since they're still selling like hotcakes to people who are not white girls, I'm assuming they either did so or they paid a lot of money to pretend they did so. Flavors for the 12% alcohol include fruit punch, green apple, watermelon, raspberry lemonade and wicked lemon tea. I gotta tell you, the shit definitely helped fuck me up. BUT it tasted like ass (I went for Green Apple). I would not recommend to anyone purchasing it unless you're trying to get dressed up for a not white girl party and look the part.

Four Loko is also a premium malt beverage (hence the comparison). Google the shit- apparently people google it quite a bit in conjunction with the word banned. Methinks it might be dangerous but let me read on before I share that with you. It's an alcoholic energy drink available in the same size cans as Joose and in 8 flavors (grape, fruit punch, orange, watermelon, blue raspberry, lemonade, cranberry and cranberry lemonade). I don't know what the hell is going on at Ohio State University but some awesome shit comes out of that school in regards to drinking so maybe I picked the wrong college. Its name is derived from its four other ingredients, caffeine, taurine, guarana, and wormwood, an active ingredient in absinthe. Also, apparently if you are in Indiana it only has 6% alcohol content (fuck going to those schools!). I tried two of the flavors last weekend and I have to tell you one of them(fruit punch) tasted like the worst kind of cough syrup you could buy. Like maybe expired from Walmart brand. Mixed with a vodka tonic though...christ I am really an alcoholic. The grape flavor tastes like cough syrup as well; however, it is tolerable. So if you like sippin on some syzzurp then this is your thing.

Both made me bounce off the walls and behave in ways only the Jackass crowd would be proud of so I would try this out in the comfort of your own home first. Don't go drinking it in public and then being surprised when you're tossed in the slammer. You have been warned.

Thirsty Thursday...Part 2

Yes. Please and Thank You. God, I love Eric Church.

Thirsty Thursday

Cornhole Song...of which I plan on dominating during football season. Bitches.


Just call me Cornholio.

I Need a Drink..

It's only 8:29 am and despite my tweet claiming I was going to make this day a great one...I gotta tell you I made a big mistake logging onto AJC.com while the claims were printing.

As if I'm not embarrassed enough by Damon Evan's ridiculous behavior, now the NCAA has said they will be investigating my beloved DAWGS. Hot on the heels of a recruit at DAWG NIGHT being photographed by a blogger with one of our coaches, a party in Miami was allegedly attended by 45 college football players one of which TMZ and every sporting website out there is claiming was AJ Green.

I'm upset about the allegations being made in the first place but what is really grinding my gears are the comments under Tim Tucker's blog. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE? And by these people, I mean UGA fans, Tech fans, random people not affiliated with any team, Bama fans, Florida fans... So much negativity is spouted off. So many people acting like they know what the fuck they are talking about when they clearly haven't got a clue. So much finger pointing. The blame game on in full effect. And yet, not a single iota of proof of wrong doing has been found yet. They just want to question some of the players and have asked that coaches, players and athletic departments refrain from commenting at this time. But don't worry, anyone with access to the fucking internet will feel free to comment. Below, a few of my favorites:

Thomp July 21st, 20106:33 pm
AJ close all those checking accounts! Put the money under the mattress! Pay cash for everything!

GT79 July 21st, 20106:52 pm
Ha Ha Ha…..Rumor has it that many UGA athletes were carousing with agents with red panties on…..Georgia football is such a cesspool……Go Tech…..we will kick your leg humping butts in Athens this year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

makai July 21st, 20107:25 pm
Will someone give the Techsters their blog URL so maybe they will not be on ours. Wait—maybe there is no one on their blog so they have to go somewhere else. Maybe it is like high school or every Friday/Saturday night since college—4 lonely walls and a blow-up girl friend.

Alabama Communist July 21st, 20107:32 pm
More Breaking News On High Power NCAA 007 Investigation!
The Temp AD at UGA said today, it was not the NCAA that asked for access to the GA campus, but Homeland Security was the agency that inquire for access to the campus claiming that Muslin Agents were promising UGA players 77 Virgins if they sign with them……A Spokenperson with Homeland Security said if this was true, college football was funding the terrorism war by massive pep rallies and dumb supporters at the Southern Universities……..which flys into the face of Redneck Republican beliefs

Gail in Acworth July 21st, 20108:27 pm
Nothing that happens in Athens should surprise anyone. UGA is one big party school represented by semi-literate drunken thugs and goons, and the officials who work in the athletic office are no better.
The Cesspool of the South, a name that is richly deserved.

Ms. Chokesondick July 21st, 20108:34 pm
I seen all them Tech players at da pardie! It wudn’t hard to spots dem. Dey awl had calcalaters in der pocket pretectors and dey wuz talkin bout whut ordur dey wuz gunna use der condom in.

RobertHallGTsmackshos July 21st, 20109:45 pm
AJ was at the party!!!! several hos approached him and ROBERT HALL from GEORGIA TECH damn near beat the ho’s to death. Blood coming out of their mouths and nostrils. ROBERT HALL hasn’t been suspended yet. That’s OK, he doesn’t “RUN THIS STATE” and GEORGIA TECH players can really kick the crap out of women and fellow ACC competitors.

Jan Kemp July 21st, 20109:58 pm
They may never graduate, but we’ll make garbage men out of them. UGA, bringing in barely literate football recruits since 1970!

Micheals L.N.Y July 21st, 201010:08 pm
Where there is smoke, there is fire, red panties, and vodkatinis for all! I am amazed UGA can’t make it 1 week anymore without makingthe negative section of the national news…

GT79 July 21st, 201010:18 pm
You techies – you are the one that brought up penis envy……i am betting you can more than just imagine it……you pencil d*cked leg humper……your program is so pathetic. I cannot believe a half decent guy like CMR hangs around this cesspool of a school…….I am sure there are plenty of more Damon Evans types in your athletic program…..I am so glad to be a proud Tech alum and fan and not in possession of a piece of toilet paper with UGa printed on it.

BigCaliDawg July 21st, 201010:45 pm
I don’t know about the panties, but I bet Coach Johnson rocks a red bra.

GT for life July 21st, 201011:24 pm
I thought this was the convict blog-oh but it is-georgias most wanted

jim July 21st, 201011:39 pm
most asked question for uga players-whos the babys daddy

benny July 22nd, 20104:58 am
Well Gollllllllllllllly. Soopriise, soopriise, soopriise. Duh SEC roools agin. Dah pay em to play em SEC. I played at a major school and was thrilled to have a scholarship. The players are not victims. They are just greedy and the athletic departments are looking the other way. College fotball was once about sports. Now, it is like the NFL and not about sports. It is a business. The bottom line. Almost like wrasslin is a bidness and not sports. Must be Bush’s fault.

buzzforareason July 22nd, 20107:29 am
Hey did you hear the one where the Tech fan blew his head off after the latest UGA pounding? I did, it was hilarious. Bug parts everywhere.

buzzforareason July 22nd, 20107:30 am
Did you know the only panties a Tech man ever sees are his own moms?

Damon Evans July 22nd, 20107:52 am
why don’t we take em out drinking and hook em up with some white women…panty down…oops I mean party down

Joe Hamilton GT Great July 22nd, 20108:00 am
I hope no one brings up my DUI, hit & run, possession of marijuana convictions! And please don’t mention the GT athletes that have been arrested for rape and for physically assaulting women! Furthermore please don’t mention the fact that Georgia Tech recently came off NCAA probation for academic cheating involving 19 student athletes (11 starting football players) who had their grades raised so that they could remain academically eligible to play.
Please remember we don’t cheat at GT…LMAO

K-dawg July 22nd, 20108:22 am
lets clean up the program CMR! Kick AJ off the team and set the tone, send a message!.

I guess my main issue is we're living in America. Supposedly these posters live here and got some form of education (be it elementary, middle, high, ged, college...whatever). Last I checked, here in America we follow the ideal of INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY. And yet, checking this message board it sounds like not only does that not apply to college athletes but also that it automatically allows for every idiot with a keyboard to make fun of you and apply any shit that went down in your program to this situation. Don't get me wrong, there were some people pulling facts from other sources and calling for intelligent conversation about what should be done, who may or may not have been there and how this affects college football as a whole. Those same people weren't making nasty cracks at anyone. I don't understand why people get on someone's blog and make nasty comments having no relevance to the actual topic. It really gets me worked up!

Am I the only one completely turned off of blogs based on the commentary of it's readers? It stings A LOT when the blog is about something that negatively impacts my school but add in the negative comments and I get PISSED!

Thirsty Thursday aka Why Do I Drink?

1. I am going gray. See previous post for my feelings on this newest development.
2. I have 2 months to find a new job and a new place to live.
3. I am single. Per usual.
4. My ex is engaged. See reason # 3.
5. My life is in shambles.
6. I am broke (probably from drinking).
7. My friends live farther away than I would like.
8. Gas is expensive.
9. Shit, life is expensive.
10. I hate my job (probably get fired again for saying it again. Some lessons just can't be taught).
11. A little girl I babysat is getting married. What the hell is that? Shouldn't she still be in diapers or something?
12. I have issues. Lots of issues. Anxiety, abandonment, daddy...you name it, I've got it.
13. Life is an utter disappointment whether I try or not.
14. I like booze. No seriously, I like it. A LOT.
15. People are shitty drivers. This puts me in a bad mood.
16. No one has entered my dicktowel giveaway. I'll show you people. All current followers are now entered. Blaire I hope you win a dick towel and don't know what to do with it.
17. My neighbors suck. Except one of them has an entire liquor store in her apt.
18. I have bad luck with cars (that will be a whole nother post my friends).
19. The quarter life crisis neither begins nor ends at 25. Therefore, I'm currently residing in this state of my life.
20. I miss home.
21. I am overweight.
22. I have high blood pressure. Alcohol lowers blood pressure. Dr. Write me a prescription!
23. It's fun.
24. It's Thursday?
25. Telemarketers keep calling my apt looking for David and Jennifer Monter. Who, oddly enough, I actually know as David used to be my employee.
26. Miley Cyrus. Do I need to say anything more?
27. I haven't had sex in quite sometime. No that is not an invitation for one of you to offer your services. I'm just saying, its enough to drive you to drink. Because well, its depressing and because you might lower your standards and get laid.
28. I like bars. And patios. And college football games. And Yankees games. And concerts. And all of these things are more awesomer with booze. Seriously.
29. Because I want to.
30. Because this blog would be better if I were hammered.

100th Post + Real Dick Towel + Giveaway!

Those of you that have been faithful followers of my blog know that it’s on my bucket list to be on It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

WOULD. KILL. IT.

Let’s be honest I have what it takes to be on the show- I’m funny as fuck about 50% of the time, I do idiotic things a la Charlie, I think I’m hotter than I am a la Dennis, I’m an ideas person a la Mac and well I get as exasperated at others stupidity as Sweet Dee. In other words, I’m the perfect combination of them all once you add in my dash of complete selfishness. So it should come as no surprise to anyone that I follow them all on Twitter @Glenn_Howerton @Kaitlin_Olson @TheCharlieDay

Through my boy Glenn (as in Howerton, as in my bff in my imaginary I’m awesome and on television imaginary world) I discovered Real Dick Towels and have been coveting them ever since.




I WANT ONE SO BAD.

I know today should be Thirsty Thursday but you don’t have to be drunk to appreciate the greatest beach towel ever made. You would get so many bitches and hoes it’s ridic. As in ridiculous. I have no idea why I am abbreviating it though I should have pretended I did it on purpose cause it has DIC in it and were talking about the DICK towel. Whatever. The point is, this towel will change your life. I don't have one yet but I firmly believe my life will be better with more dick towel in it.

The great thing about the Dick Towel is its versatile- you get three looks in one towel. Also, pick up a hat and a shirt while you're at it. AND you can chose black or white versions! Imagine yourself posing poolside for the ladies. Or being one of the boys with your lack of penis envy. Not only do you have a dick but it's bigger than theirs too! You can pick yours up for $19.95 plus shipping and handling OR because I am super awesome, you can win one here!That's right Berryfine of Life in Shambles is giving one lucky winner a Dick Towel fo FREE NINETY NINE!

The rules are simple- cause you are probably drunk and if you aren't well you should be so hop on that shit.

1. Become a follower and let me know. If you are already a follower, give me a heads up on that.
2. Follow Dick Towel on Twitter and fan them on facebook. Then let me know.
3. Tweet the link to THIS post, blog it or post it on facebook and let me know you've done so!

Remember to leave SEPARATE comments for each entry. Contest ends 6/5/2010 at 12 am EST.

Thirsty Thursday!

Whoop Whoop! You know I love a couple of things in life and I'm going to list them in no particular order:

1. Drinking
2. My family
3. My friends
4. My bed
5. Alliteration
6. Games


Yeah, I love all those things. And I love that Thursdays can finally be alliterated since I've FINALLY figured out how to handle that alliteration. Thursdays alliteration has been around, I just haven't known how to approach it until AisforAwesome and I were shopping on Sunday and I stumbled over this:

SUDODRINKU

Shut. The. Fuck. Up. God, I am such a damn dork but I love Sudoku so now you are telling me I can drink while playing...this is AMAZING. Anyway, you can click here to order it online for $9.95 plus shipping, handling, tax and all that shit. Or you can be lucky like me and stumble upon it in Marshall's for $4.99. I love my life.

The premise is simple- fill the puzzle out until it's complete. The last person to put a number in, wins. Everyone else finishes their drink. Bing. Bang. Boom.

Standard rules apply (can't have the same number in any row, column or square) but since you essentially MAKE the puzzle, anyone wins. You can also make it tougher by grabbing a sudoku book or puzzle from online and building it that way(you damn overachievers out there).

How does the drinking occur? Well my friends, the number tiles are double sided ( I love doublesided/reversible things too). Each turn you can play 4 tiles. Flip the fourth tile over and follow the directions which include: performing a gesture and the last one to do it drinks, making rules similar to kings cup, skipping a turn and taking a drink, assigning drinks to other players, social drinks and the arrow points out someone to drink. All in all pretty awesome and great for a small group of pregamers. Definitely something to do at the beginning of the night because as you get drunker I have a feeling this will get harder :)