Awkward Moment #1

So I am moving into a brand new condo. Yes. Again. I never stay in one place longer than two years and most of the time just one year. I lose a lot of money this way. But until I figure my life out, this is the plan. ANYWAY. Moving brought me the idea of sharing all the awkward moments I encounter in my life so here is Awkward Moment #1:

I stopped by my landlord's place to pick up the keys to the condo and she was standing there in a Reading Rainbow shirt (fuck yeah) and jeans. She was all happy and giggly and invited me in. Then apologized for watching Charmed. And then said she was slightly drunk. So I, uncomfortably I might add, said "Well your daughter isn't home so it's fine."

"Yeah, I guess you noticed my daughter and husband aren't here. We're going through a divorce. So when she isn't here I drink tequila and watch Charmed. They just started streaming it on Netflix you know. So I'm a little tipsy right now. I apologize. We've been separated since April. Is this too much information? It is isn't it. Anyway, I just found out tonight that my husband has a girlfriend. And yes, he is still my husband until the divorce goes through. So I asked him how long he's been dating her and he told me he didn't know. Then I pressed the issue and he was like end of april, early may. Whatever. He was totally dating her before we separated. And he tried the we're-getting-divorced-because-of-us-not-her line too. So now I just get drunk and watch Charmed every time I'm alone. It's kind of sad."

Yeah. That really just happened. How the hell am I supposed to respond? I'm like I just want to take my keys and unload my shit in my new condo. But of course, I feel bad so the following comes out of my mouth:

"It's cool. Takes a while but you'll move on. In the meantime, get drunk whenever you want. In fact, I guess if you're ever drinking alone and you want company you know where I live."

WHAT THE FUCK BERRYFINE?!?!?! What are you doing? Why are you inviting your landlord to binge drink with you? Why do I feel the need to be nice to her like this? Jesus.

When It Rains It Pours...

No, I'm not talking about Golden Showers (ummm fucking EWWWWW).

Instead I'm talking about the fact that I was on a date last night with the Commercial Banker and I had 4 phone calls and 5 texts during which two guys proceeded to ask me out.

Talk about AWKWARD.

The Commercial Banker and I have the same damn phone and ringtone, so every time it went off we were both like whose is it. Then when his phone went off he just assumed it was mine. At one point he joked I was going to HAVE to answer it sometime.

Thank GOD I didn't!

The only good thing about it is I'm not remotely interested in either of them. The bad thing is I'm not remotely interested in either of them. I hate telling people no.