The Text Files

So, if you'll recall, recently I began flirtexting with The Commercial Banker. It started with a mention of shark week and sex and has gone from there. After a week of silence, The Commercial Banker broke it a week after I moved into my new place. I was just coming home from a night out with my friend to a nearby bar and was exhausted when this came through at 1:54 am:

I should have called you tonight.

Oh really? Can we say DRUNK.TEXTING. Nice, commercial banker. It's nice to know he's not too mature. He still gets hammered and sends out texts to the ladies.

My response (as I was crawling into bed):
Why is that? Haha, I just back to my new apt.

Him:
I wanted to see you tonight. But I was going to call but I couldn't picture your face. It's been too long.

Me:
Ummm that's kind of a random comment. Especially since you could have gotten on facebook to see it easily. Are you drunk texting me right now?

Him:
Don't judge me.

Me:
Haha. No judgement here buddy. I'm a drunk- it would be hypocritical of me to judge you. Next time just call. Or text...before 2 am.

I haven't gotten a drunk text since The Whatever and I started up so it was kind of nice and definitely funny to get it. But where would it lead to next?

The Text Files

We've disussed SEXTING but I want to discuss recent texts from a guy that can only be classified as FLIRTEXTING.

FLIRTEXTING - (Verb) Flirtexting is the marriage of two words Flirt and Texting. Although the courtship began in 1985, with the "invention" of the text message in Finland. This union first officially occured on 11-10-08. The marriage brought together two seperate worlds; 1)Flirt - To make playfully romantic or sexual overtures. & 2)Texting or (SMS) which is a communications protocol allowing the interchange of short text messages between mobile telephone devices.
Heather is always on her phone FLIRTEXTING with guys.

Who is this guy? Well, he is commercial banker of some sort. He sounds pretty important. He's a friend of a friend who is married to my other friend (I love making things complicated). He's attractive, intelligent and kind of a flirt from what I've heard. I have been attracted to him for a LONG time but I kind of slept with his friend (The Groomsman) so I steered clear of him. Though I did use him to make The Groomsman jealous one time. I actually met both of them at the same wedding.

ANYWAY.

The Commercial Banker and I have been talking since July and lately he's been texting me quite a bit. This all started with an updated facebook photo. In which he messaged me to tell me I looked great and see how I was doing. Then he invited me to his neck of the woods to get a drink. Unfortunately, I've been out of town and moving so I haven't had the chance. So, we exchanged numbers and he's been texting me ever since.

Recent texts have turned quite flirty with commercial banker even admitting he's always been interested in getting naked with me.

Flirtexting began August 1st with this text from me to him:

According to the ads I saw, watching shark week leads to sex. Please tell me if this is true.

Response:

Yeah. So what time are you coming over?

Me:

Haha well it would take no less than 12 hours to get there so if I leave now...I could meet you for lunch.

Him:

Damn you.

Me:

Sorry about that but I'm sure if you go on facebook and look through the status updates you can find a chic watching shark week to come by.

Him:

Haha whatever. But you, we would have fun. Alcohol and sharks sounds amazing.

(side note...sounds dangerous)

So the flirtexting began. You'll have to stay tuned to see where it goes! But I want to hear from you...flirtexting...thoughts, concerns, questions?

Drunk Texting with Tray

Well everyone...I have not gotten laid since the last blog I wrote.  I believe we're at three weeks.  Could be longer.  Let's not think about numbers.  I've been chatting about this on and off with my best guy friend Tray and last night it became a drunk text conversation.  I spent the evening at an open bar engagement party.  Old men kept offering me drinks.  Post part we all went to the bar.  I definitely had shame face this morning when he reminded me how wasted I was.  I had a slight clue when the hangover hit me at 7 am and I chugged from the x large Taco Bell cup next to the bed but nothing explained my evening like the conversation below.  I didn't edit anything.  Took it straight from my phone...enjoy!


AE: Open bar engagement party...OH MY
TH: Oh my indeed
AE: Now were headed to the bar.  D is driving
TH: So he did go.  That's awesome
AE:  Yea it's an even bigger deal that he agreed to go out.  Will I get sex...NO
TH: Well
AE:  Well what?  I. Want. Sex!
TH:  Lmao I didn't know what to say
AE:  Lol well there's not much to say
TH:  Well
AE:  Well stop it
TH:  Lol my b
TH:  My cousin just told me that he is "turned on" by girls with slightly turn up noses.  WTF that's the shit I'm dealing with.  LOL
AE:  Lol ahahahahha that's crazy!  I know a cougar he can get.
AE:  D is literally standing in a corner right now while I drink with friends.
TH:  Oh
TH:  I'm bored as fuck.  I didn't want to go to wet willies with the rest of them.
AE:  Come to Macon.  D Sucks.
TH:  Lmao u can't say that about D.
AE:  I haven't gotten laid and he came out but won't talk to anyone.  Yes the fuck I can.  He didn't just win the super bowl.  He's a damn college frat boy that he's to step off his high horse.
TH:  Whoa.  Ummmmmm what to say lol ummmmmmm
AE:  What that it's true?!?!?!
TH:  Yea.  Lol so harsh but true.
TH:  U got pissed?
AE:  Not really.  It's true but nothing to get me pissed about.  I've kinda accepted that hrs lame.
TH:  Lmao can that personality trait be fixed?
AE:  Nope!!
TH:  So sad.  I used to think I was lame.  Not so much
TH:  Sooooo u think I'm lame?
AE: No no no!! Sorry I was on the bathroom and the then we left and got in an argument
TH:  That sucks
AE:  Yup :'(
AE:  Well...I asked.  Apparently we're not having sex because we haven't wanted it at the same time.
TH:  Well
AE:  Look.  I'll be honest.  I don't buy that shit.  My ass and boobs are at a ridiculous size.  Things should be slapped and jiggled like a music video.  What. The.  FUCK?!?!?!
TH:  ROTFLMAO what do u think it is?
AE:  I don't know.  I don't care anymore.  I just want a real answer so I can go get plowed by the guy from Sept.  He wanted me to come see him tonight
TH:  Whoa.  R yall splitting up?
AE:  IF I CANT GET SEX THEN WE MIGHT NEED TO
TH:  I'm pretty sure make up sex is the best.
AE:  Well then you turn him on for some make up sex.  I'll be laying naked with my legs open for him to slide home.
TH:  WTF. Whoa
TH:  I know it's not funny but I can't stop laughing
AE:   Hey you do what you can.
TH:  R u good?
AE:  Hey I laugh to keep from crying
AE:  No I'm not good!  I could get more sex OUT of a relationship!!!
TH:  Well
AE:  Well you know it's true
TH:  Yeah
AE:  I could be speaking in tongues.  Barking like a dog.  A big dog.  Small dog.  Dog with a lisp.
TH:  Lmao pure comedy
AE:  I masterbated twice before 3 pm today
TH:  TMI my friend TMI
AE:  Sorry...sorry.  My bad
TH:  LMAO
AE:  I mean what else should I do?! I could be really mean of I didn't find another way
TH:  IDK
TH:  We need to write a screenplay or TV treatment
TH: Or book series
AE:  I'm okay with it.
TH:  Ok with what?
AE:  Screenplay or tv
AE:  If I don't text you back it's bc I'm throwing up taco bell or Im asleep
TH:  Lol aight we will just call it a nite.
AE:  Ok...night!!!

I may need to go through the conversations on my phone and see if I've had any other drunk conversations like this.