I'm Naked in Front of You... Why Aren't You Trying to Have Sex With Me?

I'm confused. I thought, if a naked girl is in front of a guy that he would immediately try to have sex with her. Right? Isn't that what you dickheads have been telling me? Isn't that why "oh her mouth just happened to swallow my dick when she tripped walking toward me and I didn't know my fly was open" is a valid excuse in their opinion? Isn't that why they hook up with ugly chicks? Because they like sex and naked women get them going right?

Well then this particular incident is bothering me. A lot.

Okay, first, I know I'm no spring chicken. There are lots of skinny hotter chicks than me in the world. But in my humble opinion, my own boyfriend should be trying to sex me up when I'm naked in front of him.

Anyway, on his last visit, I came home from the gym and took a shower.

First, why didn't he try to have shower sex? Apparently, Sports Center held his attention and it didn't occur to him. Your girlfriend is naked, soaping up and it isn't on your mind?!?!

Second, I came out of the shower and was standing in my robe in my closet contemplating what to wear. Do you know how easy a robe is to take off? I just took half the effort out of sex and still nothing. He is standing behind me watching me get ready. Seriously, at least comment on the fact I'm naked under here.

So of course, I whip around thus flashing everything and say something about sex and he tells me he's hungry so I need to get ready so we can eat and then have sex.

NO, NO, NO.

I should not have to put this much effort into this, am I right? I mean I clearly want sex if I'm parading around in a silk robe taking my sweet ass time getting dressed so you'll notice I'M NAKED under here.

And when I asked him about it he said I should have just grabbed his dick. Then he would have known I wanted to have sex.

Is this for serious? Is there something wrong with me?

This means I want Sex. FYI.

Shower Sex

Recently, I've been thinking about shower sex a GREAT deal. I don't know why but I want it bad. So I thought I would embrace that want by sharing with you a shower sex story....

First off, I love shower sex. I'm a multitasker. Anything that can knock out two birds with one stone is a thing I'm going to be all over. Oh, I can clean off and get off? Yeah, I'm down with that.

Second off, wet is sexy. It really is. Guys, you know the scenes in movies with chicks coming out of the water are your favorites. Girls...well, I'd agree except sub in hot guy with ripped abs and arms to die for. 

Not exactly what was in the shower with me but then again I'm not exactly a Victoria's Secret model so I suppose we were on equal footing.

Anyway, The Groomsman and I had spent a weekend drunk and doing God knows what and were going to spend a nice little Sunday doing more of the same. Mind you, I had met up with him at a bar on Friday and it was now Sunday and we had only left the house for more food and booze. So, I have the dress I wore Friday and that is it. The Groomsman wakes up, hits the restroom for man time and then comes back out and unceremoniously hauls my naked, sleeping ass out of the bed and into the iciest shower I have ever encountered. To say I screamed bloody murder would not even cover the bloodcurdling scream that emanated from my chest. If I had balls, they would have retreated into my body for safe haven. 

Anyway, The Groomsman, still blissfully outside the shower, fiddles with the water temperature until my breathing slows from all out heaves to a mellow I'm exhausted from shivering and then turns on some music and hops in behind me. 

What happens next is in no way sexy.

The Groomsman suds his hair up and begins singing along to The Killers while basically jumping up and down. As if he is at the concert. As if he is not naked, in a shower. As if his dick isn't flaccidly flopping around. Picture a 6'5" guy naked, suds streaming down his body, JUMPING, hands in the air. Dick flapping. 

What does this have to do with shower sex?

Well, after my initial WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE, I started laughing. I just couldn't stop and I'm leaning against the wall, water beating in my face, sputtering uncontrollably. He finally pauses (as the song had ended) looks at me and grins. 

"What? You don't sing in the shower?" he asks.

Then he begins washing my hair for me. Which feels like heaven. And of course leads to mutual body washing. And suddenly dick is no longer flopping around in every direction; but, rather, standing at attention.

Before I know it, The Groomsman has moved from washing my back to pushing me into the shower wall and entering me with a quick thrust. 

Now, I know it seems as if I should have known sex was coming but after the dance competition he participated in by himself to start the shower I honestly had no clue it was going there. So the surprise of being thrust into with virtually no foreplay or warning was incredibly hot. And the bite to the cord of my neck was pretty hot, too.

Somehow the most ridiculous shower scene I could imagine turned into the hottest and one I have yet to be able to replicate with anyone else. Which this week is especially frustrating!