Why Have We Not Cheated?!?!?!

Real Conversation that Occurred at the gym:



Travis: My friend here thinks everyone wants to have sex with him because he's Dominican.

Dominican: Do not, Travis!

Me: I'd rather have sex with Travis than you, buddy. Sorry.

Travis: I'm going to take that as a compliment and leave it alone.

Domincan: Travis, stop twisting my words.

Travis: Tell her what you said then.

Dominican: Nahhhh man.

Travis: So Block offered him a job. He would start when he gets back from the Dominican.

Dominican: He asked me to bring a Dominican girl back for him.

Travis: So, course, he thinks Block must want to have sex with him.

Me: I hate to break it to you sweetie, but unless you got a fat pussy hidden in those gym shorts Block ain't interested in sex with you.



Travis and I laugh. The Dominican looks uncomfortable and Mike approaches looking all sexy and shit as he applies chapstick to his luscious lips.

Travis tells Mike about the Dominican and his sexual issue. I'm attempting to figure out how the hell I'm getting to my car without getting soaked. I voice this issue to everyone. Dominican looks relieved the subject is off him now.



Mike: Hop on up, I'll give you a piggy back ride to the car so your feet don't get wet in those flip flops.

Me: Is that the only ride you're offering me, Mike?





Mike starts laughing and under his breath mutters something about how long it has been for him. Conversation continues while I make a mess of my shake and need a towel. Mike is about to leave when he turns around.



Mike: Well, ready for that ride?

Me: Don't tease me Mike.

Mike: Who says I am? I don't tease baby, I please.





And with a cocky wink in my direction, he heads out into the rain. How have we NOT cheated on his wife yet? This is definitely the most innuendo fueled conversation Mike and I have had about US. We joke about sex A LOT but usually in the context of one or the other of us getting it on with someone else. And his comment about how long it has been directly challenges the notion that my trainer put in my head about rumors swirling that he was already cheating on his wife (Come to find out about 1/2 of those rumors actually involve me!).

What do you think? Will this keep getting more and more sexually charged? Will we cross the line?

I'm in LOOOVVVEEEE...

Okay, not really so don't get all excited and start picking out china designs for me! Instead, I wanted to talk about a common occurrence (from what I understand) of how love and sex get twisted around.

Yesterday, while working, I had on the first season of Samantha Who? and my favorite episode came on. Okay, maybe not my absolute favorite because I adored that show but the commentary on this episode is particularly funny and appropriate for this blog so I thought I would share and then maybe add my scattered thoughts to the mix. Samantha has sex for the first time since she has developed amnesia due to a hit on the head (its more involved than that but if you want to know more, rent the show on DVD and find out). She comes running into work to confide in her best friend that SHE.IS.IN.LOVE. LOVE. After a few weeks of dating and one week of sex. The reason I love this episode so much? Because it admits that even us "adult" women fall prey to this same phenomenon that we indulged in as "kids". But the best part of the episode, and possibly the most truthful part, comes courtesy of my favorite character Andrea.

"It is just biology! You have sex, your face gets flushed, you feel all warm and wonderful. It seems like LOVE but its actually just nature's way of telling you to stick your panties in your purse and RUN."

I love everything about Andrea- I want to be her!

Don't lie. We've all been here. We have fantastic sex and suddenly we're weaving fantasies about happily ever after. Very few times have we just approached sex in the logical, "Well that's done and it was fun" manner. For God's sake, The First and I had sex THEN started dating. Basically because we were having sex. Which is all well and good when you are in college, but as a grown-up? Not so much. Thinking back, I think every guy I've slept with has had a nice little love fantasy weaved about him. Except Penis Nano. Because who wants to be stuck with Penis Nano?

The First and I were going to move to NYC and live in a nice apt for a while. Then move to the suburbs and have a house with a wrap-around porch and rocking chairs. He'd work in PR and I would work for a magazine. And...well, how that fantasy died is for another day. Suffice to say, last I heard The First is living in bumfuck, GA after dropping out of law school and I'm working as a medical biller and living in metro-Atlanta.

Sometimes, we don't even have to have sex for me to fantasize about happily ever after. Let's face it, when you're single and jonesin' for someone you just can't help it. Sometimes, I pretend gym crush isn't in a relationship with a baby (or covered in tattoos) and imagine us dating...after he throws me into a shower and has sex with me of course. Got to wash off that grime.

What is it about sex for women that is directly linked to love? We obviously don't have to BE in love to have it (see my number of partners for evidence of this) but often times after having it, everything is so perfect and wonderful. It's easy to slip on the rose colored glasses and imagine that awesomeness just continuing in a neverending loop with that same person who just made you cum three times in a row. Ahhh pheromones.

What are your thoughts on this topic? Am I alone in fancying myself in Love (or very strong like) after sleeping with a guy?

Baseball Season Has Begun!

Okay, so I know I've mentioned my gym crush and I swear I haven't hit stalker material (yet) but I've learned some tidbits about him through the weeks of randomly talking to him. Some are good (he likes sports- Cowboys, Red Sox-bleh, DAWGS; he owns his own business; he plays football on Saturdays; he's pretty much got tattoos on 50% of his body- I can't wait till it warms up and he starts taking the clothing off). Some tidbits are HORRENDOUS (he has a gf, his 7 day hiatus from 5 am workouts was due to a newborn baby...that belongs to him). It was one of those horrendous tidbits that reminded me that baseball season is around the corner. Okay, technically, for the uninitiated, it has already started with pre-season games all over the south but the season starts up in April and I am jazzed. I have an obsession with baseball players. Half the time I don't even realize the guy I'm obsessing over is or was a baseball player until its too late. The other half, I am actively going after these baseball players. Why did the horrendous tidbit remind me about baseball season? And for that matter, which one did?

Well, Mike the super attractive badboy at the gym had a baby girl on February 20th. His friend had said he was on vacation. Who, in their right mind, considers staying home for 10 days taking care of a newborn a vacation? Fucking idiot. Anyway, I approached Mike and made a joke about his slacking and he told me about his new baby girl. Who he named Beckett. Which I thought was a cool name. Then, as I was driving down 316, I realized he had named his sweet baby girl after a Boston Red Sox pitcher! So I decided to Google this guy...and I am totally planning on banging him somehow. Allow me to introduce you to...

Josh Beckett

Wikipedia tells me Joshua Patrick Beckett (oohhhh love the name) was born May 15, 1980 in Texas. Which pretty much makes him the ideal age for me. 30-year-olds kind of have their shit together. Or more than I do. A little Red Sox Trivia for you: Josh Beckett became the first Red Sox pitcher to hit a home run in 35 years — since the advent of the designated hitter rule — when he took Phillies' pitcher Brett Myer's deep during an interleague game on May 20, 2006. He did it again that same year in June against the Phillies. Bonus points for that. Apparently, he gets quite the A-list casting for his leading ladies as he's been linked to Alyssa Milano, sportscaster Leeann Tweed (wtf kind of name is that?) and country singer Danielle Peck. The latter he had this to say about when he was asked about her singing the National Anthem at the World Series:

"I don't get paid to make those fuckin' decisions...She's a friend of mine. It doesn't bother me at all. Thanks for flyin' one of my friends to the game so she could watch it for free."

Nice, he doesn't kiss and tell and he drops the f-bomb casually in conversation. I might be in love. He is a big Texas A&M fan and apparently owns deer hunting property. Which kind of freaks me out. Also, that dip in his pocket is sooooo not attractive. But whatever, he wouldn't be the first guy I had sex with who dipped (in fact, I'm trying to count right now and I am unsure of the number...)

And as if the down-home boy routine wasn't enough for you, Josh has his own foundation. In order to raise money for it, he releases wines creatively named after baseball stats and players. The foundation supports community programs to help the disadvantaged, sick and disabled. He also holds a bowling competition to raise money for kids in New England and his home town in Texas called the Beckett bowl.