Monday Musings

• I'm not letting the 30 day photo challenge get int the way of blogging. That would just be laziness, ya know? And if there is anything Berryfine is not it is lazy. That's a lie.
• If you're into music, check out Why Don't Hipsters Dance. I originally went here thinking it would be someone making fun of hipsters but whatever. It's good for music. 
• We all know I hate my  strongly dislike my neighbors so it should come as no surprise that they've managed to piss me off again. New neighbors moved on into the building across the way. Which would be all well and good except they were moving in at midnight last Thursday. WTF is that? On top of that, they moved in enough mattresses to make me think they got today's Groupon early and bought out mattress firm. 
• I am really starting to get old when I prefer getting drunk on cheap wine in my own apartment to going out and doing shots. OH.EM.GEE did I really just fucking say that? Ew.
• In Atlanta this weekend? Hit up Lucky Fest and maybe you can have a beer (or 12) with me. And if you're really lucky you'll be able to take shots with Berryfine's very fine Mom (she likes Lemon Drops just so you know). However, keep mentions of the blog to a minimum. Mom knows I'm a drunk but she doesn't need to know anything past that. MMMkay?
• For those of you who don't have your green gear for St. Patty's Day yet, let It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia help you. I personally own the flipadelphia shirt but would love it in green. I would kill for the green beer pong table too. Just in case any of you were interested in buying me presents. 
• Tomorrow is fat tuesday. How do I always forget just how much boozing occurs in the winter/spring months. I mean you start the year off with NYE, then there is my birthday (clearly a fucking holiday if there ever was one), MLK Jr Day, President's Day, Oyester Fest (times 11 billion), Valentine's Day (single's Awareness day), Fat Tuesday, Easter, St. Patrick's Day, Parade Day (NJ), Shamrock/Lucky Fest, Highland Festival...20 billion beer fests....I could keep going but I'm getting hungover just thinking about it. You would think I could get myself drunk listing them but alas I cannot.
• The relocation bug has bitten me again. It cannot come at a worse time as moving is in no way feasible to move. But god I am so over Atlanta right now. 
• My best friend showed me this website FOREVER ago and I'm still obsessed: Left-handed Toons. Why the fuck didn't I think of this?
• Am I forcing it at this point?
• I just went through the office mail and saw this little fact: Beginning January 1, 2011 estimates are that 10,000 people will turn 65 every day for the next 19 years. Look I'm not trying to be an asshole but seriously? Maybe it is time to consider dying. Cause my paycheck doesn't even cover me. It sure as shit won't cover these people. Anybody ever read Boomsday by Christopher Buckley? Suddenly that premise doesn't seem so far fetched, does it?FYI, it's a great book. If you haven't read it, you should buy it.

Monday Musings

• Today's Groupon was for a subscription to eHarmony. Like is the whole world on this fucking dating train? Am I officially becoming an old maid? Is my shelf life expiring? What the fuck is with everyone and their fucking mother (including my matronly coworker and a discount website) encouraging me to just put myself out there? If I wanted to be out there, I'd fucking be out there. Assholes.
• If you're in Atlanta, go to Shamrock Fest. Or don't. I don't give a fuck one way or another. 
• If I have to cab it, pay for parking or anything else that requires massive amounts of effort, it ain't gonna happen. 
• Charlie Sheen is like the gift that keeps fucking giving. And giving. And giving. My favorite gem to date is his response to Good Morning America when they told him people think he is Bipolar. "What is Bipolar? Try BIWINNING." And then he cackles. He does have a point though when he says if he was bipolar wouldn't he have massive swings between being up and being down? All this motherfucker does is go. I like to imagine his theme song is All I Do Is Win. If he was writing the script for Three and a Half Men, I'd totally fucking watch that shit. My second favorite conversation? Same interview. He talks about how Nike's slogan isn't just try it, it's just do it. And like them he's just doing sobriety. Boom.
• Why is baby fat cute on little kids but then fucking disgusting on us grownups? If I were a kid, I'd be fucking attractive with all this flab.
• Sometimes I wonder why God didn't give me a talent that might be useful to me. Like one I could use to make money with. And why he didn't maybe give me a lick of common sense so that I wouldn't be $8000 in debt right now. But he didn't. So that's where we're at right now.
• Dear Pirate's Booty, I love you. What I don't love is paying all that money for your delicious bounty only to end up eating a majority of it in one sitting. Also, what the fuck is with all the SPACE/AIR in your bags of booty? What a fucking gip. You make me think I'm getting a crap ton and once I open the bag, I realize, NO NO NO. There is not shit in there.
• I'm in a funk right now. The kind of funk where I'm just snapping at someone who definitely does not deserve it. But then part of me wonders if I'm not really in a funk but rather pushing and prodding to see just what my boundaries are with this person. I have a feeling this cannot end well. And by not end well, I mean I'm very easily going to ruin a relationship via text. How 2011 of me.
• Why can't I just sit on a patio all day and drink? Why can't I?
• People share the most ridiculous shit on facebook. I don't give a fuck what your political thoughts are, my Jesus and your Jesus are clearly not the same, your baby is not any cuter or more specialer than anyone elses, Fox News is not the authority on life or anything else really for that matter, and you're single/married/complicated/divorced whatever because you keep posting desperate status about it. Grow the fuck up bros and bras. Tell me you're slamming booze or patio drinking or stripping or kicking as in kickball or watching your team win. Don't tell me stupid shit no one cares about. And the bra color, stripper name whatever the newest Spam to hit my messages is not any better. You're not 12 anymore.
• This is going to sound incredibly stupid (omg I AM a fucking girl), but I really just want to curl into a ball and cry today. I have no idea why. Nothing bad happened (how could it, my boss is out of town). But nothing great happened either. And I'm lonely I think. I'm not even sure anymore.

Monday Musings

Okay, so I need to get more serious on this whole BLOGGING thing. I mean I pay attention to two other blogs I write but this one is sorely lacking. Therefore, over the next week, I will be unveiling an actual format for this blog. We will start with today, a regular feature to be added to the blog- Monday Musings. Much like Random Thoughts On A (insert day here), Monday Musings will be whatever pops into my head or that I find on the internet that entertains me. However, now it will occur on the reg (your welcome Barbie). So, I bring you...Random Thoughts on a Monday aka Monday Musings:

• If you have to come to a complete stop so that someone in the other lane can get over, then you probably don't need to be letting them over. The point is for them to speed up or slow down according to traffic and then get over when they spot an opening. If everyone followed this rule, I believe we could shave 5 minutes off the morning commute. Something to think about. Also, it is not rude for me to yell at you or give you the finger when I finally get around your malingering ass. You stopped traffic, buddy, not me.
• Common courtesy, much like chivalry, appears to be dead. For example, this morning I walked past a woman in the hallway. I said, "Hello, how are you?" she responded with "Hi, I'm good." Well, that's nice. I didn't fucking ask you because I cared- I asked because it's common courtesy. And if I have to ask you, then you damn sure should be asking me. It's polite. Jeez.
• I'm contemplating a relocation. I hate Atlanta. There, I said it to the internet world. It's out there and I can't take it back. My uncle made a great pitch for Raleigh but I'm open to other cities as well so leave a pitch in the comment section and I'll take it under consideration.
• Hahahahaha, my boss just realized they have not been taking medical or dental out of my paycheck. Nothing she can do now that she closed out 2009. Ironically, for the two months I had free dental and health insurance I was not going to the doctor. So the joke is really on me, not just them.
• I just ordered a Blackberry Tour from Verizon Wireless. And I am stalking it through fedex. Literally, stalking it. How the fuck did it leave Memphis Tennessee last night at 6:44pm and it's not arrived at a GA fedex location yet? This is bullshit.
• Sometimes I say things via text that I probably should not say. Often times I am hammered when I do this. And I offend people. Or end friendships. In these instances, I have found that the best thing to do is to pretend you did not say it and then wait for them to approach you weeks later. They will say something asinine, you will say something asinine and the Earth will continue to revolve around the sun.
• My feet seem to get cold a lot recently. I have no idea if this means something but whatever. They are cold and I don't know what to do about it.
• Sign up for Groupon.com and get gift certificates cheap. Also halfoffdepot.com. Don't say I never gave you anything.
• If I don't get a sweet tax return VEGAS IS GOING TO SUCK. No really, that return is going straight into my Vegas envelope ala Bradley Coopers character in The Hangover. God, I wish I was a teacher with a field trip so I could collect money from the students.
• It is really obnoxious that my boss gets my emails.Sometimes they come to her first and then she asks me about them and I have no idea what the fuck she is talking about. It's creepy.
• I shouldn't laugh when my boss makes a mistake. After telling me it would be between us that she messed up my benefits, the minute I went upstairs to drop off mail she told her boss. Now I owe them $268 because she made a mistake. How bout we split it since you made the mistake?
• On behalf of my friend JLove I would like to bring a charity to your attention. If you are looking to divert some funds or build up some good karma, head over to http://www.thon.org/ and donate now. They work tirelessly to conquer childhood cancer and the group is student run which is pretty cool even if you aren't a student. Even Khloe Kardashian is out there promoting it. The money specifically heads to the Four Diamonds Fund at Penn State Children's Hospital.
• Sometimes you need to read about someone else's life spiraling out of control to realize yours is as well. I'm not admitting to anything but this book I'm currently reading has me thinking a lot about things that I thought were funny but can take a dangerous turn. I'm lucky I'm still here if this book is any indication. So I recommend to all of you From Binge to Blackout by Chris and Toren Volkmann. It's a mother-son combo that had to go through alcoholism together and is just a GREAT read. I think one should be given to ever Freshman in high school and their parents. Perhaps, summer reading? You can learn more by going to their website.
• I am currently wearing a Victoria's Secret Pink sleep shirt to the office. It is comfy and a pretty purple color and I don't care who knows it! Also, my company just blocked their website. Damnit, there went shopping for Valentine's Day.
• My boyfriend is back! Check out his latest hilarious video. Yes, I am kind of getting to the point of creepy now.
• Why do people talk on their cellphones in the bathroom? If you are looking for privacy to make your call the restroom is not the place. Privacy to take a shit? Public restroom is also not the place but at least you are doing what the restroom is meant for. Take your personal phone calls elsewhere please. Otherwise, I'm flushing the toilet a hundred times until you get the point.
• Rihanna has a song called "Breaking Dishes". Ironically, in it she says something about Fighting a Man (Imma fight a man, a man, a man...). So let me get this straight, Chris Brown beat the fuck out of her and stories come out that she probably was hitting him as well. Chris Brown looks like the dick and she looks like a victim? After hearing this song, I'm wondering if they were mutually violent toward each other. Don't get me wrong, Chris Brown is a dick and should be in trouble for violence toward anyone. But let's stop the Rihanna train for a minute and find out if she really deserves this halo we're giving her. She shouldn't be hitting him anymore than he should be hitting her. And now that the song played on my iPod, I'm wondering if she has some violent tendencies of her own... I'm going to get so much shit for writing this.
• Actor Rip Torn was arrested over the weekend. FOR ROBBING A FUCKING BANK. Okay, not entirely true. Actually, he just broke in with a loaded gun. But the funniest part is he was drunk and didn't even realize it was a bank. WTF?
• Apparently, you can only have so many tags for a blog. BUSCH LEAGUE, BLOGGER. I have hit the limit.
• Please see how hott Mr. Hamm looked on Saturday Night. SO HOT. Like the cover of a trashy romance novel.
• I'm sorry, I lied on that one. Not so hot. Damn you Sergio.
• If you don't watch It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia then you should start now. No joke. Nothing like a group of people who are so selfish they think they are helping the world when serving their own purposes. For example.