A Christmas Surprise

Hope everyone had a grand Christmas full of ass. Mine was sadly missing ass. However, someone in my family got laid so I guess it's okay!

On Thursday night, I was set to drive 45 minutes home to my parents and spend a few days hanging with my bro when I got the following BBM:

Hey is there any way you could wait until tomorrow to come over? I was gonna try and get some alone time with Ashley before she leave for Boston.

Interesting. So I responded:

Uhhhh haha do we need to have a talk about the birds and the bees?

He took the high road and ignored me.

I got home the next day and he was at work. After a few glasses of wine (yes, I drink alone), I got bored and decided to wander the house. I noticed as I walked past my brother's room, that his trash can was empty. He's lived back at home since July and I have never been to the house when it hasn't been overflowing with shit. Thirty minutes later, I thought to myself that his trash was probably in the can outside (pathetic, right) so I headed out and had a peek. There was one bag of trash but it was the kitchen trash. Smart kid that he is, he threw his trash in the kitchen trash and then threw it out.

Another 30 minutes and I discovered this in his room:

My little brother, the 24 year old virgin, HAS CONDOMS. The kind of condoms that indicate he was nervous about his performance. And the dumb fuck put them in the drawer of the nightstand in the guest room he sleeps in. He didn't even try to hide them! They were right there on top.

My brother is not a virgin anymore. I can't decide if I should be disgusted or proud!

From the Dating Website Mailbag...

Ummmm.... seriously?!?!?! I almost want to relieve him of his burden (read on to find out what that is) but I also have standards...
Hey Erin Elizabeth,

How was your day?

I am catholic too! I am doing great! How was your week? You seem really fun and sweet! I just got off from work. You are really cute! What do you value most in a relationship? I am very close to my family. I have a big heart and a good body but I am more quiet natured and shy! I think sometimes girls don't care if you have a big heart and a good body! I am still a virgin. I guess it is ok with you that I waited for the righ person? I hope you don't think I will not be good because I don't have experience. I am always honest and I am very open minded! Sex must be wonderful for a girl the first time! Do all girls have a g-spot? I guess most girls my age have already lost their virginity? It is tough waiting so long because I think about it so much! LOL! I love to workout and run! I ran 15 miles yesterday! I have travelled and seen most of the US, some of Canada, and Mexico! I am looking for somebody who can be my best friend and can feel sexually compatible with me and appreciates fitness! Do you think I am sexually compatible for you? I hope I look good enough for you? What are your favorite things to do on the weekend? I am into organic food and I just started my garden this summer at my house. I just bought a 90 year old house in Central Gardens. I love older homes. They have so much character. Do you have any favorite hotspots? I am big into historic preservation, environmental conservation, and I love animals. I used to have a sheltie named Taffy before she got cancer. I miss her so much! I also used to volunteer at the Memphis Humane Shelter when it was close to my house. It was so much fun walking the dogs! I wanted to take them all home. Do you have any dogs or pets? I love to travel and I am very liberal minded. I believe that communication is so important. It is the small ways of showing love that often makes us the happiest. I love to try new things. Trying new things helps you grow closer and be more passionate. I have an older sister who teaches Spanish at St. Mary's Episcopal. I went to Christian Brothers High School and graduated from Christian Brothers University in 2004.What do you like to do for fun? I hope you have a great day! Look forward to hearing from you soon!

If you are a virgin, probably this is not the best picture to post. Just sayin'.