Only Life in Shambles

So, I'm kind of a shitty neighbor. Not in the I-make-tons-of-noise kind of way. Or the I-leave-trash-fucking-all-over-the-place kind of way. More like the IF-YOU-CANNOT-RESPECT-YOUR-NEIGHBORS-I-WILL-FLIP-MY-SHIT kind of way.

We should know this by now considering our previous posts on neighbors.

This story is a so ridiculous you cannot make this shit up.

So I moved to Atlanta into a cute one bedroom apartment. I love it. In fact, it no longer remotely resembles that shithole I showed you when I first moved in despite being the same place. I did this crazy thing called unpacking. Anyway...

Recently, several hispanic families moved into the building across the courtyard. By courtyard, I mean the drive that separates our buildings and has roses along it. Each building has covered parking spots. That building has alcoves in the covered parking with storage units. For the most part the hispanic families are good neighbors.

Except when they aren't.

For instance, does the whole fucking complex need to listen to your music while you work on your truck? Do you really need to rev your engine in the garage so we all hear it? Is it necessary to spend 25 minutes banging on a door when no one is obviously home?

I've kept my mouth shut about all this.

Until one of them decided it is in fact very necessary to crush hundreds of cans. A night. Every night. At the most random goddamn times.

In the past week, he has crushed cans at 4 am, 6 am, 3:30 am, 11:30 pm, midnight and 1 am. Always in the alcove by his storage unit. You know, so there is a nice echo. So nice, you hear it all through the complex. In your apartment, with the tv on and the windows closed.

I tried yelling stop out the window.

CRUSH.

CRUSH.CRUSH.CRUSH.CRUSH.CRUSH.CRUSH.CRUSH....AND ON AND ON AND ON.

I thought to myself, perhaps he does not speak English.

NO MAS I screamed out the window.

No dice.

This happens every night on top of the cat going bat shit and listening to everything my upstairs neighbor does (sidenote my next door neighbor hears his upstairs neighbors having sex so...good for them, I guess).

Anyway, tonight....I had it. I was done. What the fuck was wrong with this inconsiderate prick?I do not think this is courteous in any country. I storm out of my apartment in my pajamas barefoot (side note- holy shit the temperature dropped) and marched right over to the garage and started reading him the riot act.

He stared at my blankly. Shit, I thought, he really cannot speak English.

And so I tried some Spanish on him. And he seemed to get it. And I waited for an apology.

I got a grunt.

I spoke again. God only knows what I said at this point in Spanglish but suddenly he was pointing to his ear and grunting.

HE IS FUCKING DEAF.

Yeah, I'm the asshole now. He has no clue what it sounds like because he cannot fucking hear a can crushing. He was reading my lips and when I said no mas he finally got it. I'm so going to hell.

And now my upstairs neighbor has just arrived home so there goes getting any sleep tonight.

Lesson Learned on a Thursday Night

Downing a bottle of wine by yourself in an hour and a half WILL KNOCK YOU THE FUCK OUT.

But only temporarily.

So that you are awakened at midnight by your dipshit neighbor slamming (and I mean SLAMMING) fucking drawers and her bastard cat going goddamn apeshit for the catnip.

And my apartment may be considered safe because who the fuck would break into anything with all those fucking lights on out in the courtyard but it sure as shit is not condusive to getting any fucking sleep at night. It looks about high noon in my bedroom at midnight. Places I won't be moving: Alaska.

Must invest in ear buds to block sounds and blackout curtains before I murder the bitch and her fucking cat.

*The weekend game plan is sleep. A fucking coma's worth.

Piggy Back - Neighbors.

I am going to try to not wig out like Erin did - but neighbors suck. It is one thing to be an inconsiderate neighbor/human being when you live in a HOUSE with a yard dividing you from the people you live around but in an apartment complex. Really? Why are you SO great that no one else matters?

When I moved into our apartment I was told that they used sound proofing materials for the walls and since I was an end unit we would have a lot of peace and quiet since no one ever used the stairs. I must be a dumbass to believe that shit because I have not had a peaceful nights sleep in oh, over a year. Let's address the issues that I have at The Battery At Chamblee Station in regards to neighbors and noise.

The bitches above me: Are you elephants after 5pm?! I swear to God they do not walk. They hop on pogo sticks, wear combat boots, or hop from one room to another. All we hear all night long is thud.thud.thud.thud. FML. My boyfriend and I constantly ask the question "what the hell are they doing up there". Like Erin's neighbors, I know when they're eating due to the slamming of cabinets and when they're done eating due to the dish washer. I know when they're getting it on because I can hear every moan and groan and squeak of their brass bed. Oh baby Oh baby is not what I want to hear at 2 AM on a work night (or any night for that matter). And is it really necessary to vacuum at 11:30 PM.

The ass clowns above me and to the left: He beats her. Her being his girlfriend or wife. His lady friend. They argue so loud that my dog can hear them and we live a floor down and over one. Because my dog has super sonic hearing he barks and barks at them and my neighbors get so annoyed they have to RUN up the stairs to tell them to shut their pie holes it is 2 AM.

The whole building who uses the stairs past 11 PM: Are you training for an uphill run? Must you run up and down the steps and bang your feet? Must you scream into your cell phone or at your friends who are following you? Seriously. First of all, it is like late night, why are you not at all considerate about people who may be I don't know sleeping? My neighbor to the left and only neighbor on my floor works for a valet company - he comes in super late every night - but he also RUNS up the stairs. Waking me up and my boyfriend and my dog. My dog then barks and barks and barks. I have to get out of bed, reign him him and then settle back in my sheets. Only to have him realize he left something in the car and to run back down them and then back up. My neighbor is not the only one. Everyone seems to use the stairs now and it is like Macy's fucking Thanksgiving Day Parade up and down the stairs at all hours of the night.

We are moving when our lease it up and never living by stairs again. My main question is - why does nothing happen during normal afternoon hours. Why must every one's asshole tendencies come out in the middle of the night when people are trying to sleep?!

Wig Out Wednesday- Neighbors

How many ways do I hate my neighbors? Let me count thee...(I have no idea if that is the appropriate context for that last statement but it's my blog so fuck it. How's that for a mini-rant?) Anyway, today's topic of discussion is how much I dislike all my neighbors. Okay, not all. But like 90% of them. These people really make me wonder why I haven't moved to a cabin in the woods with no one around for miles. Then I remember how much I love Target. Hell of a store. Back on topic:

1. Downstairs Neighbor: This douchebag thinks he's hot shit. Got news for you buddy, you aren't. One time my Mom and I were heading up the stairs and he stopped us for a chat in which he told us how chaotic raising kids was. To which my mom responded by politely asking him how many kids he has. He has one. One fucking kid. Dude, not impressed with your inability to handle that. In fact, he had locked his screaming kid in the apartment where he was running crazy through a one bedroom apartment. While he stood outside and just listened. The kicker, judging by the way the kid runs around his apartment, he's got to be about two. The man has a big ass crib right by the window for him. WTF is that? And for some reason he and his son are so fucking loud that they sound like they live above me rather than below. It makes absolutely no sense that I can hear every damn thing they do- they shut the cabinets, I hear it. When he does laundry, my apartment shakes. He slams doors. And every damn day at approximately 4 pm, he jams out to techno music. I don't know anything about techno, but either it all sounds the same coming through my floor or he listens to the same damn songs every day on a loop. How did someone else live below me for a year and I didn't hear a thing she did and now this asshole makes his presence known the minute he wakes up? On top of that, he has called the cops on me ON MY BIRTHDAY not 10 minutes after we got home. I hadn't even turned on the tv or anything. He "heard us coming up the stairs and knew we were having a party." There were six of us. To combat him, I have left a sticky note explaining why he should turn his fucking music down and occasionally put boots on and jump up and down in the kitchen until the noise stops. Pretty fucking immature of me but whatever. Gets the aggression out.
2. Across the Hall Neighbor version 1: I never met this dude and I was pumped to do so when upon arriving to my new pad I spied a UGA mat in front of his door. I deduced he was mail based on the trash he left outside his place for days on end. I actually pulled out the pink sticky notes and purple pen to nicely request he deposit it in the dumpster. He complied. Aside from the trash thing, I can't complain about anything he did. Except maybe that he got evicted and led to a parade of neighbors I want to murder. One day, I looked out the window and spotted him carrying furniture out to a moving truck with his buddies and was so bummed out. Unfortunately, he just couldn't afford the rent.
3. Across the Hall Neighbor version 2: This was a couple. In fact, at first I thought they seemed pretty cool if not a little too punk. They never blasted music, they were rarely home and they had a cute dog who only barked every once in a while. Unfortunately, this may be due to the fact that he was drugged out of his mind. When I first met the couple, we were standing outside at 4 am for a fire alarm. It was fucking freezing. They had some friends over and at first we were chatting up. I never got to bed that night because come to find out, one of their friends not only pulled the fire alarm but then proceeded to piss all over the stairs and railing. It froze while we were waiting 45 minutes for the fire department to show up. The couple and the guy had a two hour screaming match and from that day forward things went downhill. I'm assuming the couple broke up but remained friendly as he moved out but could be spotted smoking outside the building. She had a parade of men coming in and out of her place at all hours of the day. Their ages ranged from high school to grandpa. There were four guys living with her in a one bedroom by the end of her lease. They would smoke outside my apartment and put their butts and ash all over the place (ruining my newly acquired UGA doormat). She had parties at random times during the week so that I had to go complain a couple of times- like I good neighbor I would just stop by and let her know rather than calling the cops. I am convinced she was a whore or running a meth lab or both. Imagine my relief when she moved out...
4. Across the Hall Neighbor version 3: ...only to be replaced by a family of I don't know how many a scant two weeks later. I've seen this family- it's a couple of little skinny kids and their average sized parents. I swear to God the minute their feet touch one damn step you can hear them like a herd of goddamn elephants. They have actually succeeded in waking me up with their stomping up the stairs. In fact, one time I crept silently down the back stairs and then stomped up the front stairs as loud as I could when I knew they were home. I was really hoping they would come out and complain and in doing so see that I was in my pajamas stomping up the stairs to make a point. No such luck. I firmly believe they have no clue anyone else even lives in the apartment because they scream at each other and into phones on their treks between car and apartment. Also, only one of them has a key despite the apartment giving two keys to both the apartment and the mailbox to everyone who moves in. I know this because the bitch of the family will stand outside and bang on the door for HOURS in an attempt to get in while homeboy is napping. They've only lived here two weeks and already I'm dying. Sometimes, I even stay in the office all day even though I can work from home. I'm avoiding them. I cringe when they start up the stairs.

I could keep going but these are the ones I hate. There is also a Mary Kay lady who wants to work out with me constantly and stops me ever time I head to the gym to discuss me stopping by and getting her the next time I go. And the couple behind me who are so boring nothing EVER goes on in their apartment. Strangely, they are both ALWAYS there. There is the Hispanic family whose car magnet touting their day care services has so many typos I doubt anyone actually calls them. And the redneck posse downstairs who are so annoying that the security lady who lived down there relocated buildings. I would do the same had I not lit my own apartment on fire... What I really don't understand is how you can have no fucking consideration for those living around you. How can you not realize that if you feel the beat pounding so does the rest of the building? Or think that smearing your ashes in front of my apartment and drawing the ire of the complex (which threatened to fine me a months rent for that bullshit) is considered neighborly behavior? I know sometimes I might be loud but stop by and tell me so and I will be more than happy to turn it down! Suffice to say, I've learned a lot about what I am looking for in my next place...the question is, will I be able to afford this and if so will me neighbors be reincarnated?

Am I the only one with inconsiderate neighbors? Would you be frustrated by these people or am I just a tad ridiculous in my annoyance?