Those of you that are friends with me on facebook may have seen my status update about losing a friend and wondered what was going on. Rather an odd status update to have at 10 pm on a Saturday night when I would typically be out partying it up or at home already in bed (I know, I’m one extreme or the other. Rarely in between). Well, I had been out drinking and had cut myself off and took myself home so that I didn’t make a fool of myself by getting upset over something I obviously had no control over.
The scenario: I used to sleep with a friend of mine. I wanted more, he didn’t. We ended up great friends for a good period of time. In fact, I worked really hard to ensure that when we left the sleeping together stage I still had my friend because he helped me through a lot of shit in 2008 (death of my grandmother, losing a job, moving…) and I felt like I did the same for him (the exact same scenarios actually). Now, he has a girlfriend and apparently he is either uncomfortable with the idea of us being friends or she is because he has seriously made efforts to cut ties with me without being completely obvious about it. He rarely emails me back, ignores offers to grab lunch and catch up, rescinded an invitation to his house warming party, detagged any and all pictures of us on facebook and then Saturday was a complete ass.
How was he an ass? Well, I’m sure this situation was uncomfortable for him but it was for me as well. We were both invited to a wedding shower for our friend Katie. He brought his girlfriend and I flew solo, per usual. It seemed ridiculous to come up with a date when everyone knows I am single. His girlfriend is also friends with Katie, as is her best friend, Lauren. So they both were there. I arrived first and was in the midst of a group of friends that neither of them really knows. I didn’t even notice their arrival and would not have seen them for some time except the asshole thought it would be appropriate and warranted to yell out “Hi Erin” in a very condescending voice. Like I was purposefully ignoring them. Like I should have interrupted my conversation with two cute, nice and single guys to run over and talk to an ex and his girlfriend who obviously does not care for me. She didn’t even bother with an acknowledgement at my presence.
The rest of my day and early evening was spent avoiding the two of them like the plague. Which wasn’t hard considering they behave like fucking high schoolers. I don’t think I ever saw one without the other. And girlfriend staged an impromptu photo shoot of them with her BFF and her husband (who happen to be their neighbors) in the middle of the damn yard, not five feet from where I stood with said cute, single guys. Now the obvious shunning of me I could handle. I was avoiding them probably more than they were avoiding me because I always told him I didn’t want to make a situation uncomfortable for him. I figure it will be easier if he wants to talk, if he comes to me. This way if girlfriend gets mad it had nothing to do with me trying to “steal” my ex back from under her.
I caught them both watching me multiple times and definitely saw her chatting up her bestie and shooting me looks. Add all of that to the detagging of pictures and lack of communication between the two of us, and you have a very upset girl (that girl being me). Yes, on some level, I recognize I’m jealous of the relationship they have. And jealous that he pays attention to her and couldn’t be bothered to speak to me as though we were actually friends. The irnoic part is Katie and he used to hook up and she has no problem with Katie. So either she doesn't know or she is okay with it because Katie is getting married. I feel like the way we handled it just lends credence to her obvious opinion of me being someone she needs to watch out for. On the other level, though, I’m extremely hurt and disappointed in someone I counted as a close friend. If there was going to be an issue, I feel as though it would have been acceptable for him to give me the heads up. Instead, I left the wedding shower feeling as though my puppy had been hit by a car.
The scenario: I used to sleep with a friend of mine. I wanted more, he didn’t. We ended up great friends for a good period of time. In fact, I worked really hard to ensure that when we left the sleeping together stage I still had my friend because he helped me through a lot of shit in 2008 (death of my grandmother, losing a job, moving…) and I felt like I did the same for him (the exact same scenarios actually). Now, he has a girlfriend and apparently he is either uncomfortable with the idea of us being friends or she is because he has seriously made efforts to cut ties with me without being completely obvious about it. He rarely emails me back, ignores offers to grab lunch and catch up, rescinded an invitation to his house warming party, detagged any and all pictures of us on facebook and then Saturday was a complete ass.
How was he an ass? Well, I’m sure this situation was uncomfortable for him but it was for me as well. We were both invited to a wedding shower for our friend Katie. He brought his girlfriend and I flew solo, per usual. It seemed ridiculous to come up with a date when everyone knows I am single. His girlfriend is also friends with Katie, as is her best friend, Lauren. So they both were there. I arrived first and was in the midst of a group of friends that neither of them really knows. I didn’t even notice their arrival and would not have seen them for some time except the asshole thought it would be appropriate and warranted to yell out “Hi Erin” in a very condescending voice. Like I was purposefully ignoring them. Like I should have interrupted my conversation with two cute, nice and single guys to run over and talk to an ex and his girlfriend who obviously does not care for me. She didn’t even bother with an acknowledgement at my presence.
The rest of my day and early evening was spent avoiding the two of them like the plague. Which wasn’t hard considering they behave like fucking high schoolers. I don’t think I ever saw one without the other. And girlfriend staged an impromptu photo shoot of them with her BFF and her husband (who happen to be their neighbors) in the middle of the damn yard, not five feet from where I stood with said cute, single guys. Now the obvious shunning of me I could handle. I was avoiding them probably more than they were avoiding me because I always told him I didn’t want to make a situation uncomfortable for him. I figure it will be easier if he wants to talk, if he comes to me. This way if girlfriend gets mad it had nothing to do with me trying to “steal” my ex back from under her.
I caught them both watching me multiple times and definitely saw her chatting up her bestie and shooting me looks. Add all of that to the detagging of pictures and lack of communication between the two of us, and you have a very upset girl (that girl being me). Yes, on some level, I recognize I’m jealous of the relationship they have. And jealous that he pays attention to her and couldn’t be bothered to speak to me as though we were actually friends. The irnoic part is Katie and he used to hook up and she has no problem with Katie. So either she doesn't know or she is okay with it because Katie is getting married. I feel like the way we handled it just lends credence to her obvious opinion of me being someone she needs to watch out for. On the other level, though, I’m extremely hurt and disappointed in someone I counted as a close friend. If there was going to be an issue, I feel as though it would have been acceptable for him to give me the heads up. Instead, I left the wedding shower feeling as though my puppy had been hit by a car.
So, my question (and you knew I’d have one), is do I let this go and just look back on our friendship with a fondness when I finally get past the hurt? Chalk it up to the end of a friendship? Or do I confront him about our friendship and where we stand? And if so, what’s the best way to go about it?
